memeBay.com
I've decided to get in on the great auction action, and am modeling my million-dollar plan on one of the true success stories of the webolution:
eBay
The largest yard/basement/garage/flea market sale in the world. Junk Heaven.
Having messed with it for a couple of years now, and having just attacked spring cleaning, I had one of those rare moments of inspiration that generally occur only in the bathroom:
memeBay
Don't tell me "it's been done". It hasn't. What HAS been done is for people to put up a bunch of really dopey things for sale... half of ham sandwiches, old lug nuts. Light bulbs that don't light, songbirds that don't sing, color t.v.'s gone b/w. One guy named Allen actually put up his mind for sale. Probably didn't help that he included his IQ. Although that was probably obvious, anyway. My memeBay is different (although there might be some non-working lightbulbs).
I'm putting up everything, EVERYTHING in my house for auction (except internal wiring and plumbing... and probably not BOTH kids. Dunno yet.). memeBay will show hundreds of pix of cluttered desks, cluttered bookcases, cluttered basements, garages, attics... stuff atop computer terminals, stuff under the bed. ALL for sale, including the desks, the bookcases, the terminals, and the bed.
I figure I own well over TWO MILLION things, if you count plastic forks separately. And since I'm a reasonable chap, the stuff I've bought must have been reasonable to own. And there must be other reasonable people out there that would like to own my reasonable stuff. I mean, THAT'S reasonable, right?
There will be pictures - framed and unframed; frames - pictured and unpictured. Old trumpet practice books; lots of NON-internal wires; the insides of an ancient motorhome; three or four genuine pewter-like pieces from an old monopoly game; near-complete sets of dishes; philosophy books from college with only the first 3 pages read; 38 out of 42 volumes of an encyclopedia that managed to note the addition of our 48th state; little plastic guys---LOTS of little plastic guys---Good furniture, bad furniture, cheap jewelry and cheaper jewelry; the 3-Stooges Special Beer Can Collection (empty); z-80 computers; two weed-wackers (god, we have weeds.guess we'll have MORE now, huh?); 12 incomplete sets of flatware; 7 commemorative tiny silver spoons, and; a cat or five. It's gonna be GREAT.
Stuff will be auctioned off individually, by type/category, and by the pound. I will accept only cash: however, I will give a 10% discount for the use of cash, applied prospectively to the ultimate price any item sells for. So whatever you buy it for, be assured it's been discounted 10%. What the heck. Let's say it's been discounted 80%. I'm that kind of a guy: you don't have to do a thing, except trust in me and pay up.
I have some great stuff, interesting stuff, weird stuff, and some stuff that is best described as "stuff stuff." I will also offer up neat grab-boxes of unidentified stuff (even I don't know what it is) that COULD be worth a fortune. And I will adhere to the following 8 principles of on-line salesmanship at ALL TIMES:
1. I will describe everything NOT to the best of my ability, but until I get bored describing it;
2. I will use my eBay-purchased poor quality digital cameral to take pictures of most everything, in the best possible light I can, with the worst imperfections turned away from the camera;
3. Unless otherwise indicated, everything sold is warranted "as was."
4. There will be no refunds. I will not keep detailed, nay, ANY records of anything, so refunding would be impossible.
5. I will advise would-be-bidders if I think other would-be-bidders are deadbeats, whether they ever bid or not. I will make these determinations according to a secret paradigm that will change all the time, unpredictably, unlike my wife's opinion of my ideas;
6. Actual shipping costs will never be disclosed beforehand, since that would require effort. I will estimate. So you actually may SAVE money in shipping. I will try to avoid that happening;
7. I will offer a constantly revolving inventory of stuff, since I will be using the money I receive from the old stuff to buy new stuff;
8. Everything I sell will be unique; no two items will be exactly alike. Those plastic forks? if they look too much alike, trust me to chew on one.
This will be a rare opportunity to purchase the physical manifestations of my individuality (plus some old wedding presents like woks and food sealers in mint condition. Original box and everything. I'm sure the curse has worn off after all these years.) You, too, can be meme. And someday, after you've cherished your new-found you in the old-found me, you can return the favor to some other would-be-youyou.
Wewe ARE family.
©2002 RWPladek
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